I received these in an email from family. I don’t know who thought of these, but they are clever.
1. The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was —
–Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, —
–but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .
3. She was only a whisky maker, —
–but he loved her still.
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class —
–because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder —
–and got a little behind in his work.
6. No matter how much you push the envelope, —
–it’ll still be stationery.
7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road —
–and was cited for littering.
8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France —
–would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
9. Two silk worms had a race. —
–They ended up in a tie.
10. Time flies like an arrow. —
–Fruit flies like a banana.
11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. —
–The police are looking into it.
12. Atheism —
–is a non-prophet organization.
13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. —
–One hat said to the other, ‘You stay here, I’ll go on a head.’
14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger.–
— Then, it hit me.
15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said, —
–‘Keep off the Grass’
16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital.–
— His grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, ‘No change yet.’
17. A chicken crossing the road —
–is poultry in motion.
18. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison —
–was a small medium at large.
19. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray —
–is now a seasoned veteran.
20. A backward poet —
21. In democracy, it’s your vote that counts. —
–In feudalism, it’s your count that votes.
22. When cannibals ate a missionary, —
–they got a taste of religion.