Creative Puns

I received these in an email from family. I don’t know who thought of these, but they are clever. 1. The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was — –Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi. 2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, — –but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian . 3. She was only a whisky maker, — –but he loved her still. 4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class — –because it was a weapon of math disruption. 5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder — –and got a little behind in his work. 6. No matter how much you push the envelope, — –it’ll still be stationery. 7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road — –and was cited for littering. 8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France — –would result in Linoleum Blownapart. 9. Two silk worms had a race. — –They ended up in a tie. 10. Time flies like an arrow. — –Fruit flies like a banana. 11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. — –The police are looking into it. 12. Atheism — –is a non-prophet organization. 13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. — –One hat said to the other, ‘You stay here, I’ll go on a head.’ 14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger.– — Then, it hit me. 15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said, — –‘Keep off the Grass’ 16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital.– — His grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, ‘No change yet.’ 17. A chicken crossing the road — –is poultry in motion. 18. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison — –was a small medium at large. 19. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray — –is now a seasoned veteran. 20. A backward poet — –writes inverse. 21. In democracy, it’s your vote that counts. — –In feudalism, it’s your count that votes. 22. When cannibals ate a missionary, — –they got a taste of religion.