Home» Humor

Health Aphorism

Posted by Michael Gold - December 1, 2018 - Humor, Mathematics

An apple a day is an apple such that, if (x1, y1, z1) is your location on earth, then sqrt[ (x2 – x1)^2 + (y2 – y1)^2 + (z2 – z1)^2 ] > M where (x2, y2, z2) is the position of your doctor and where M is a real number of non-negligible quantity such […]

Hexeggon

Posted by Michael Gold - November 24, 2015 - Humor, Mathematics

Penteggon

Posted by Michael Gold - November 20, 2015 - Humor, Mathematics

Hilarious

Posted by Michael Gold - January 29, 2015 - Humor, Logic

Try this four-question intelligence test (How do you get a giraffe into a refrigerator? How do you get an elephant into a refrigerator? And more.) to see where you stand.

Funny Video Outtake

Posted by Michael Gold - July 25, 2014 - Humor

In making a video about the order of operations, I had a prop fail. Quite unexpected. Too funny.

Math Humor

Posted by Michael Gold - January 20, 2012 - Humor

Is this copyrighted??

Math Humor

Posted by Michael Gold - July 20, 2011 - Humor, Mathematics

HT: Jenny A

Postprandial Math Joke

Posted by Michael Gold - June 29, 2011 - Humor, Mathematics

Q: Why do mathematicians, after a dinner at a Chinese restaurant, always insist on taking the leftovers home?

Beach Math Joke

Posted by Michael Gold - June 28, 2011 - Humor, Mathematics, Uncategorized

Q: Why do you rarely find mathematicians spending time at the beach?

Math Joke

Posted by Michael Gold - June 21, 2011 - Humor, Mathematics

Q: What do you get if you divide the circumference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter?

"[The twins] did well on [their geometry final]. Got 90+."
Mythili R, parent of high school student,

"'Use logic in math' is my motto."
Sophia S, high school (I love that quote.),

"On my geometry quiz I got a 98% and it went really well and I felt I knew the info. Thank you for all the help and for assisting me when I did not understand something."
Casey C, high school student,

"He went through his theorems, explained how any number to the power of 0 is actually 1, and then demonstrated how you taught him to work with polynomials vs. how his book taught him. Shall we say he likes your way better? He has read through everything you gave him plus tackled the homework........you've really lit a fire under him."
Helen G, parent of middle school student,

"Thank you, Michael. He is gaining some confidence in what he does know and quickly admitting what he needs to work on. I am very happy with this method."
Cathy L, parent of high school student,

"When Colby got in the van today I asked, How was Class? He replied, 'That was awesome.' so...thanks!"
Mary H, parent of high school student,

"At school we just memorize and repeat stuff back; you teach me to understand."
John T, high school student,

"If math was explained to me like this, I would have understood it a long time ago!"
Brooke Z, high school student,

"My average is actually a 96 right now and I made a 94 on the last quiz. We're still doing conics."
Kevin B, high school student,

"Oh! I just found out I made a 93 on the [AP Statistics] project-YAY!"
Taylor R, high school student,

"All of my son's grades have gone up [not just his math grades]."
Tom T, parent of high school student,

"Why didn't [so-and-so test prep company] ever tell me this??"
Brian C, high school student,

"Gifted kids are truly 'special needs' kids, as much as children on the other end of the spectrum. It is challenging to parent a kid like this but we muddle through somehow!!! I'm so pleased that we found you because you can challenge him in ways that I simply can't. I'm excited to see where he goes under your tutorage. :)"
Helen G, parent of middle school student,

"You are doing an awesome job with how you handle him. I love the way you explain things to him. You are very kind and patient. Thank you."
Vicki W, parent middle school student,

"I just wanted to say hi and thanks for your help with Physics! This fall I am either going to take Calculus 1 over again or take Calc 2. ... Either way I am sure you'll be hearing from me."
Casey L, college student,

"Thank you. Without you, my son would not have gotten a B. I don't know what we would have done."
Marshall B, parent of high school students,

"You clearly love what you do and are good at it. It comes through."
Rob S, MBA student,

"I wanted to thank you for all the help you've given Zach. ... [Next year at college] he will be taking calculus. So, you probably will have to be tutoring him or hopefully will tutor him in the fall. Thanks for all your help this past year. Zach would not have passed precalculus at all or done near as well on his SAT or ACT test without your help."
Cindy Q, parent of high school student,

"I learn more from you in one hour than I do from school in a month."
John T, high school student,

"With Mr. Gold's help I managed to get a golden SAT score!!! My SAT score increased from a 1630 to a 1970!"
Tia Z, high school student,

"Michael are you ready: important Maths quiz score 81 and less important quizlet 100!!!! Yeah!!"
Corinna C, parent of high school student,

"Also, she just called me & said she made a 92 on her math test that she took right before spring break. :)) I'm very happy for her. THANK YOU! It would NOT be possible without your support!!!! I don't know what she's going to do at college!!!"
Melissa S, parent of high school student,

"Had a microbiology midterm this morning. On the exam there was a bacterial growth problem that required a little bit of math to determine the answer. I could not for the life of me recall the equation we were told to use...luckily I was able to reason out the equation using some logarithm rules (which I can't believe I remembered lol).

"Who knew you could use reason and math(?!?!?) to answer a science-concept question. Here I thought science was just about the memorization and regurgitation of knowledge. Glad I had someone to teach me how to think!"
Rajiv R, ex-student,

"Jack made a 100 on his major test today!!!!! He is so proud! Thanks so much!!!"
Joy R, parent of high school student,

"Mike, thank you so much for this birthday gift. I have been super busy trying to establish a career in entertainment while finishing up my degree. You have had a profound impact on my life approach and philosophy. Your teachings of self-reliance, true freedom and accountability have helped me become a more disciplined and well rounded person. Thank you so much for thinking of me on my birthday this year it means a lot."
John T, former high school and college student,

"Kyle had a positive response as well. It was hard to convince him to agree to do this tutoring session. He said [WebEx] was very hands on and elaborate. He's willing to do next week's session." (Kyle was thinking that online tutoring would be frustrating and a waste of time.)
Donna G, mother of high school student,

"I agree with you 100%. [Madison] has gone from a D/C student to a B/A student. She is knocking it out of the park right now, not just by getting the work done but by also doing it correctly. It is nice to have her as a student I can rely on to do her work and know how to do it. I know that she has tried to share her story with others to encourage them to just try and do their work, that Algebra is not as hard as they are making it out to be and I appreciate that.

I hope she finishes up the year strong."
Mr. M, high school teacher of Madison S; quote from emailed note from teacher to parent,

"Jack made an 87 on his test. That's his highest test grade yet in pre AP chemistry! We are thrilled! Thank you!"
Joy R, parent of high school student,

"You are the best tutor who gets the best result Matt has worked with. Thank you again."
Dennis P, father of a high school student,

"You Sir, are a miracle worker.... Can't believe Tay got an 83 on Calc test!!! Thank you SO much!"
Adrienne W, mother of a college student,

"Mr. Gold I have to say without a doubt you are the smartest teacher I have ever met."
Alec K, high school student,

“I used to go to some Exam Reviews where a guy would just spend hours teaching you a bunch of tricks to help you barely get by in your classes. People would spend a bunch of money on these classes and still end up doing poorly in their classes. When I talked to students who did well in the same classes, they all really understood the material. When I did what these students did (spent more time reading the textbook, practicing problems, etc.), I would perform much better in my classes. My grades shot up. And Mr. Gold was an important part of my program to understand." (He was a student I worked with for years who went off to college out of town. He found he needed to come back to town sometimes to get some good quality help.)
Rajiv R, former high school student ,

"Thanks for the [SAT] class - it was incredibly helpful and good practice."
Jessica P, high school student,

"Thank you again for your efforts and wonderful tutoring for both the SAT and ACT prep classes. I think the benefits reach far beyond good scores on standardized tests. I believe the skills you teach and emphasize have a tremendous impact on our kiddos critical thinking as well. You are greatly appreciated by our family!"
Michelle F, mother of high school student,

"Thank you so much for giving your time to teach the ACT and SAT prep classes. I really appreciate it, and I believe that it helped me greatly in taking the tests. I am very happy with my scores."
Courtney F, high school student,

"I wanted to thank you again for the ACT prep class. I got a 30 on the ACT on my first try. Your classes really prepared me - there's no way I could have gotten that without your help. So THANK YOU!"
Jessica P, high school student,

"I really did learn more than geometry and math taking classes with you. I learned to reason and use logic to start solving things in everyday life. It’s pretty useful at work when I use reasoning to find root causes, and to find and fix problems. You teach people how to THINK!"
Dylan T, ex-high school student now in his 20s,

I passed my welding engineer course after three years of studying on my own and applying the basic principles you instilled in me. I am now a certified Apprentice Welding Inspector recognized by the American Welding Society.

The skills you taught me allow me to outperform even on tests that are initially of an unfamiliar subject matter just due to the logic and the testing rules you taught me years ago.

Thank you!
Jimi T,

I hope more kids go to you for tutoring; you made me enjoy learning again.
Jacob L, ex-student,

You're one heck of a tutor. College is a lot easier due to the way you taught me how to think.
Josh P, ex-student,

"Michael Gold is an awesome trainer. His workouts are designed to improve all elements of fitness: coordination, strength, stamina, mobility, just to name a few.

"Back in college I did a year of CrossFit and later on went through weight lifting programs with trainers at my gym. Michael has definitely been #1 when it came to proper form and joint/ligament strengthening.

"I trained with Michael for about 7 months and I saw huge improvements in my endurance and fitness. I felt better overall and even had some surprising benefits.

"I now effortlessly make baskets when throwing paper into my garbage bin, whereas, before working with Michael, I would always miss. And I am now much more aware of my environment, which especially helps when driving.

"He is big on safety and makes sure he trains to match people's fitness levels whatever they may be.

"I would definitely recommend him to anyone trying to improve their fitness and well-being in whatever capacity."
Joseph S,

"Exercising in the woods with Michael has benefited me more than any other type of workout that I have done with any trainer. The more I work out with Michael, the more I learn about my physical/mental strengths and weaknesses, and about nutrition for athletic performance and good health.

"Ultimately, strengthening and conditioning is my goal. I enjoy the natural movements and the unlimited amount of exercises that Michael routinely exhibits in the outdoors. Climbing trees, carrying logs and asymmetrical objects, learning to balance on uneven surfaces, and strengthening ligaments, rather than just muscles, are unique exercises Michael utilizes.

"He is more than just your typical trainer as he covers your overall well-being.

"I am a freshman on the LSU football team and can attest that Michael is an excellent strength coach, and he knows more about diet and nutrition than any other trainer I know."
Carlton S,

“Gold Academy is an experience unlike anything I was expecting. Coming from a background of physical contact sports such as hockey and football, I wanted to get myself back into form, without a florescent lighting tan, without aggravating previous injuries from the glory days. Being outside was the greatest reward, and the challenge I was looking for. Michael was with me every step of the way, building routines for with me and for me, helping me to build my body correctly and avoid injuries. This is not a boot camp for those who need someone mindlessly yelling in your face. This was an in depth structured experience, for me to be my own drill sergeant, because that is where true success lies, in becoming the best version of yourself. Starting off simply, then constantly challenging yourself to master simplicity, until your skills are your foundation. This a custom tailored experience, and I recommend Michael's expertise and logical approach. Be prepared to learn with Michael, he's a great teacher and an invaluable resource of knowledge. Be prepared to be immersed in nature. Be prepared to bring your mind, body, diet, and thinking to new levels. I recommend the Gold Academy experience for all those looking to build the best self version they achieve. Get out of the box and get involved!”
Matthew Hines, Houston Texas,

Michael expounds all that is science in such an interesting and exciting way! He always keeps my kids engaged and thinking that science is fun!

He presents science in a logical, rational, integrated way – making it easy and possible to take everything they are learning and apply it in ‘the real world’… not just a list of useless facts, but tangible, knowable, valuable life lessons.

He builds a great foundation with biology first and all the rest of the sciences following and integrating from there. Who knew that biology, physics, physical fitness, and chemistry are all related and integrated? Just take a few science classes with Michael, and you’ll see for yourself!

Whether you’re homeschooling and want to seriously upgrade your science curriculum or just want to supplement your child’s deplorably lacking public school science education. Michael will make science fun, interesting, and relevant to your kids’ lives – and yours!
Melanie H (homeschool mom of 3),